I’ve tried to avoid this topic considering I relive it every December, supposedly the most wonderful time of the year. It has taken me months of trying to ignore my feelings, but as sure as I still have breath in my body, HERE I AM! This post is one of the hardest to write and has absolutely nothing to do with who this blog is centered around (Justin). Just follow me and you’ll see. Allow me to share my heart with you.

I would like to think that I’m over the fact that Justin can not see the tree with ornaments and lights, have the excitement that most kids have, writing out his Christmas list, opening of gifts, until something like this happens. A few years back I called to wish my brother and his family a Merry Christmas for me to realize it’s still fresh within myself. The conversation went a little like this, Me- SO, did the girls get everything they wanted? Brother- They got to much, I been picking up wrapping paper and boxes all morning. Imagine saying this to a parent with an autistic/blind child in his room not able to open his presents, lack of awareness of the day, or having no idea what Christmas is all about.

Christmas in a few days and I’m exhausted. Not from shopping for my special needs child, preparing dinner, cleaning the house from top to bottom anticipating a very large crowd of family and friends, but because I’ve been pressured to continue our family traditions in spite of my roller coaster ride I’m on. Rushing to the store for last minute gifts, impatient shoppers, babies crying, extremely long lines, honking of horns, cars as far as the overflow of the parking lot….all the ingredients for stress and it wasn’t for Justin.

Over the years I’ve bought and wrapped every gift to only sit on the floor and unwrap myself, and then give away, bought 2 bikes for him to only sit on once, lucky if twice, a very expensive bean bag and now every adult that comes over enjoy. So what’s the point? Justin is by far the problem. The sooner I realize that it’s not that big of a deal to him the better off I’ll be. Here’s the point, he hasn’t changed from birth to now at 13 years old. What a wonderful world this would be if we ALL saw through the eyes of Justin what Christmas really means!

About The Author

God fearing, loving mother to an awesome young man. Enjoying what I do! Although I’m not the greatest teacher, however raising a child with special needs has given me more degrees than any college university you could think of.

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