What happens at that very moment when you’re working or even resting and you hear from your child’s bedroom this loud squeal which indicates he needs something? I know he can’t tell me, so I guess at what could be the problem. I hear that squeal the first time and I don’t move hoping it will pass. I hear it the second time and my flesh crawls, wondering if he’s hungry, sleepy, not feeling well or in pain. The squeal is so loud that the next door neighbors can hear. In my most tiring moment I ask is this really happening. Call it what you want, bad parenting, selfishness, and bitterness. The fact is you hear this at your lowest point; no matter how strong you are how much you’ve prayed this too shall pass. It is much easier to talk about the good days but let’s be real there are some ugly days as well. Is there anyone else in your household that hears this? They don’t make a move because it’s your problem right? What part of joining me in this fight of raising a special needs child do they not understand?

Being able to breathe is an understatement. Today I feel beaten and broken for this thing we call parenting or life; the battles we fight take all we have and then some. The cute outfit I’ve prepared to wear today is not in the plan. There are days when I think that I might actually die but then I drink that cold Coca-Cola and say I might go on one more day forced to smile. Sometimes I’m too tired to talk about what is really going on and can’t utter the words without crying. I know the circles under my eyes are dark and I’m often reminded, hair pulled back in a ponytail, forehead sticking out about 3 miles and my response to myself is, “it’s just one of those days!” All I can think about is escaping tonight, taking a hot bath (maybe).

About The Author

God fearing, loving mother to an awesome young man. Enjoying what I do! Although I’m not the greatest teacher, however raising a child with special needs has given me more degrees than any college university you could think of.

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