I convinced myself during the first four years of Justin’s life, that I was to blame. Have you ever thought about what you did to deserve this? What could I have done differently while I was pregnant? I did not drink, smoke, and if you’re like me I wouldn’t even take over the counter medicine. Did you feel guilt? Perhaps; you even felt ashamed because I certainly did. Questioning God? Yes, I did that too! So, even after all of my fears and doing everything that I thought was right; I often wondered “Why me?”  The pain that I felt seemed as though it would never end and the initial diagnosis was blindness. When the time came for me to make the call to the Mississippi School for the Blind; I could not make myself pick up that phone. In my mind I thought that making that phone call; would first doubt God and his ability to heal Justin. Secondly, I thought that making the call was me accepting the fact that my son was indeed blind. This was something I did not want to face but could not talk to anyone in my circle about the pain and guilt I felt.

In the mist of my trial and error, I had to realize that I absolutely needed God. This journey was too much for me to handle on my own. The moment I accepted God’s will for my life as well as Justin’s; all of the guilt, shame, insecurities, questions, doubt and loneliness was replaced with peace. I am not saying that you won’t have days when that guilt and shame will try and creep upon you. I will say that knowing God is with you can bring about that peace. Moms, Dads, caregivers of our special children; remember I am with you, God is with you and you are never alone in this journey.

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About The Author

God fearing, loving mother to an awesome young man. Enjoying what I do! Although I'm not the greatest teacher, however raising a child with special needs has given me more degrees than any college university you could think of.

3 Responses

  1. Sara

    I have really enjoyed reading this blog. It has inspired me so much just reading the stories that you post everyday. I am sure that this is also helping others as well.

    Reply
  2. Shirley Gray

    Hi Mary and Justin,

    Just wanted to let you know how much I love this site. I know that you are making a difference by reaching out to others and speaking on your experiences. Continue to be a blessing to others by sharing Justin’s story. I’m so very proud of you guys!

    Love always,

    ~Shir-Shir

    Reply

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